Where You're Going is Where You've Been
by simplyxamazing
Summary: After Jess leaves Stars Hollow, Rory discovers that she's pregnant. Five years later Jess returns and Rory begins to question what could've been and, ultimately, what could be. Rewrite.
1. Chapter 1

**_I originally started this story in 2009, but never finished it. I recently discovered it again and decided I wanted to finish it, but also wanted to edit it a bit since I've grown as a writer. So, I will now be publishing the new, updated chapters._**

**_Most of the background of this story will be explained in later chapters, but I want to go ahead and explain a few things so that you're not completely lost._**

**_Rory is twenty-two and in her last year of college at Yale. She took a year off right after high school because she was pregnant._**

**_Lorelai and Luke are married and Rory has lived with them instead of on campus for the past five years._**

**_Now, on to the story..._**

* * *

"Mommy! Mommy!"

Rory stopped applying mascara to her top lashes and looked down at her four year old daughter, Victoria, who stared up at her with pleading, bright blue eyes.

"Nana said I could go to Grandpa Luke's today!" Victoria said, rocking back and forth on her heels with excitement.

"She did, did she?" Rory asked, leaning back from her mirror so she could see Lorelai sitting at the kitchen table.

"You know I've never been able to resist those eyes," Lorelai said, smiling. "Besides, Luke's been working too hard lately. It will give him a distraction."

_That's an understatement_, Rory thought. Ever since Victoria turned four, she had a seemingly infinite amount of energy. Rory never remembered being that hyperactive as a child.

"I'll be good," Victoria promised as she stuck out her bottom lip. "Please?"

"Okay, okay," Rory said. "I'll drop you off before I go to school." Victoria's face broke into a huge grin. "I need the coffee anyways," Rory muttered as Victoria skipped out of Rory's room and into the kitchen.

"She said yes!" she exclaimed to Lorelai.

"I heard," Lorelai said. "Congratulations." She picked up the hairbrush that she had previously laid down on the table. "Now turn around so I can fix your hair."

While Lorelai straightened out Victoria's ponytail, Rory finished her make-up, brushed her hair, and then entered the kitchen.

"I should be home around six," she told Lorelai. "Do you want me to grab some food from Luke's when I pick up Victoria?"

Lorelai shook her head. "I figured we could eat there tonight," she said.

"Sounds good," Rory said. She turned to Victoria who had been sitting at the table coloring in a coloring book about manners. "Grab your books."

"Okay!" Victoria said and she stood up and grabbed a small, purple book bag from the counter and put it on. "Ready!" she said before skipping towards the door, Rory following closely behind.

"Bye Mom, bye Nana!" Lorelai called, clearly upset that she hadn't gotten a goodbye.

"Sorry Mom!" Rory said, running out the door to catch up with her daughter. "See you tonight!"

When Rory got outside, Victoria was already at back door of the car, waiting for her to unlock it. She pressed the unlock button on her keys and Victoria put her book bag in the floor board before climbing in the booster seat on the passenger side. Rory reached over to grab the seat belt and pulled it across Victoria, clicking it in place. She handed Victoria her book bag and then walked around to the driver's side door. As Rory got in the car, Victoria pulled out a chapter book.

"Guess how many books I've read this year," Victoria said.

"Twenty," Rory guessed as she pulled out of the driveway.

"Nope," Victoria replied. "Guess again."

"Thirty?"

"Nope."

"Forty?"

Victoria stared at her, her mouth open. "No way!" she said. Rory laughed.

"Can't you just tell me?" she pleaded, sticking out her bottom lip.

"Thirty-one," Victoria stated proudly. "And I'm almost done with this one."

"Wow," Rory told her.

"I'm going to be smart just like you," Victoria said. Rory looked behind the seat at her daughter and felt a wave of pride hit her.

"You're already smart," she said. Victoria didn't reply, but began reading. The remainder of the drive was spent in a comfortable silence.

As Rory pulled into a parking space in front of Luke's, Victoria put her book up. She waited until Rory walked around to her side of the car and then jumped out, following her mother into Luke's Diner.

"Grandpa!" Victoria yelled and ran to the counter, jumping up onto the stool directly in front of the cash register where Luke was punching in numbers. He looked up, smiled, and then ruffled her hair.

"I heard you're staying with me today," he said.

"Yep," Victoria said, grinning.

Rory walked over and sat on the stool to her right.

"Hey Luke," she said.

Luke sat a blue coffee cup on the counter in front of her and then filled it to the top with what smelled like incredibly strong coffee.

"I knew you were coming," he explained.

Rory took a sip of the coffee and sighed contentedly. "Perfect," she breathed.

Luke fidgeted with his baseball cap, sliding it back and forth slightly on his head. Rory knew this as a sign that he had something to say, so she sat down her cup.

"Can you let Mommy and Grandpa talk by themselves for a minute?" she asked Victoria. Victoria pouted, but obeyed. She moved to the table in front of the door and opened her book bag, spreading out all of her books.

Rory looked up curiously at Luke. "What's wrong?" she asked. Luke avoided eye contact and looked at the counter, pretending to be scratching at some invisible mark.

"Jess is upstairs," he muttered.

Rory was glad that she had sat down her coffee cup earlier, because she was pretty sure that if she hadn't, it would be all over her lap right now. Jess had been gone for over five years, why would he come back now?

"W-What?" Rory managed to choke out.

Luke finally glanced up at her. "He showed up last night," he said. "Wanted to know if he could stay here. I told him I lived with Lorelai now, and he could have the place to himself."

Rory was too stunned to say anything. The only thing between herself and the father of her child was a single set of stairs. This was not, under any circumstances, supposed to happen.

"Why is he here?" Rory asked, more to herself than to Luke.

"Didn't ask," Luke said, shrugging. "Figured he'd tell me when he was ready."

A horrible thought suddenly occurred to Rory. "You didn't tell him, did you?" she asked, taking a glance behind her shoulder at Victoria who was absorbed in her book.

"Of course not," Luke said. "That's not my decision."

Rory sighed in relief. She had dodged that bullet—for now. "Can you do me a favor then?" she asked awkwardly. Luke nodded.

"Don't let him know that she's his," Rory said. "If it comes up, say she's only three. Just to be safe."

Luke dropped his gaze back to the mark on the counter than only he could see. Rory knew he was uncomfortable lying, but she needed this favor more than anything. Victoria had gone four years without knowing who her father was; she could go at least four more.

"Okay," Luke said finally.

Rory smiled sadly and walked away from the counter, over to her daughter.

"Do you want to play a game?" she asked Victoria. Victoria looked up from her book and nodded her head enthusiastically.

"Okay," Rory whispered. "There's a man upstairs and he's Grandpa Luke's nephew." Victoria listened intently. "What we're going to do is trick him into thinking you're three. How does that sound?"

Victoria wrinkled her nose. "You're bad at thinking of games," she told her mother.

"I'll buy you a new book if you win," Rory said, and Victoria's face lit up.

"Okay, I'll play!" she said. Rory resisted the urge to laugh. Victoria was so much like her.

"I have to go now," she said. "Be good for Grandpa Luke."

Victoria nodded. "I will," she said.

"I love you," Rory said.

"I love you too, Mommy."

Rory walked out the door, not even hearing the familiar chimes that she had grown to love. She opened her car door, got in, and cranked the engine. As she drove slowly down the road, she flipped her cell phone open and held down the 2 button.

"_Hello?"_ Lorelai's voice asked after three rings.

"Mom?" Rory asked. Her voice sounded like a scared little child.

"_Rory? Honey, what's wrong?"_

"Jess is back."

"_Back from the dead? Back from reality? Back from a sabbatical?"_ Lorelai asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Mom…"

"_Sorry,"_ Lorelai said. _"What do you mean he's back?"_

"He's staying at Luke's. I don't know why he's back, but I wish he wasn't."

"_Maybe it's just for a short time. He'll be gone soon,"_ Lorelai said.

"And if he's not?"

"_Then we'll tie him up, throw a bag over his head, and throw him in the ocean."_

"Good plan since we live so close to the ocean," Rory said.

"_What can I say? I'd take any excuse for a road trip."_

Rory sighed.

"I don't want him to know."

"_I'll tell Ms. Patti,"_ Lorelai said. _"As far as this town knows, the father pulled a Houdini."_

"Houdini?"

"_I haven't had coffee yet, it was the best I could come up with."_

"Thanks Mom," Rory said. She was already feeling better. "Oh, and one more thing," she paused. "I told Victoria we were playing a game to make Jess believe she's three."

There was a pause on the other line and Rory could practically see her mom's face form an expression of realization.

"Got it," Lorelai said. "Try to have a good day, hun."

_Yeah,_ Rory thought, _not likely._


	2. Chapter 2

_Breathe, Rory. Just breathe. Everything is going to be okay._

Rory stood on the sidewalk in front of Luke's Diner staring at the door. If Jess was in there, he was surely standing there watching her with that insufferable smirk plastered on his face.

Sighing, Rory walked up the steps. She had to go in sometime. Victoria was waiting for her, probably wondering why she was thirty minutes later than usual. Then again, maybe she hadn't even noticed. She knew how to tell time, but she preferred digital clocks and Luke had never kept one in the diner.

Rory turned the doorknob and walked through the threshold, holding her breath. After a quick scan of the diner—Luke at the counter, Victoria on the stool in front of him reading a book, Kirk at the opposite end of the counter, and an old couple in the corner by the window—she exhaled. Luke looked up at the sound of the door chime and apparently noticed her worried expression.

"He went out," he said, walking over to her. "Been gone for a few hours."

Rory didn't reply but was internally jumping for joy. Another bullet dodged. She was beginning to think her luck was a little _too _good.

"Mommy!" Victoria exclaimed, turning around on the stool. Rory walked over to her as she held up the book she was reading.

"I just finished!" she said, a huge grin on her face. "That's thirty-two."

Rory smiled. "Good job, sweetie."

The door chime sounded and out of reflex, Rory looked over her shoulder. It turned out that she had been right. Her luck _had_ been too good.

Jess stood in the middle of the diner staring at her. He wore a black sports coat and jeans, and his hair looked the same way it had when they were seventeen. Like always, he held a book in his hand. Rory figured he wouldn't have been Jess if he didn't.

She didn't know what to think, much less what to do or say. She wanted to run—anywhere, as long as it was far away. She pictured herself grabbing Victoria and brushing right past him, climbing into her car, and speeding off. Instead, she turned to face him and stood there staring at him, completely frozen. She actually had to force herself to breath.

"Rory," Jess stated without the slightest tone of surprise. Was this situation not affecting him as much as it affected her?

Rory, too stunned to speak, continued to stare like an idiot. It wasn't until she felt a tug at the back of her shirt that she blinked out of her trance.

"Mommy?" Victoria asked. "Is that him?"

Rory nodded but didn't turn around.

"I'm three," Victoria told Jess.

Jess raised his right eyebrow questioningly, but said nothing.

"Sweetie," Rory said to Victoria, at last turning around. Her body seemed finally able to obey her brain's commands. "Can you wait for me in the car?"

Victoria nodded and gathered up her stuff. "Bye, Grandpa Luke!" she said, and then walked past Jess to the door. "Bye, mister," she told him as she exited the diner.

When she was gone, Jess walked towards Rory. Rory noticed Luke slowly back away from the two of them. Either he wanted to give him their privacy or the situation made him uncomfortable. Rory guessed it was the latter.

_Great, just great, _she thought.

"You have a daughter," Jess stated, this time actually seeming surprised. For some reason Rory took slight pleasure in this fact.

"Yes," Rory said.

"She looks older than three," Jess told her skeptically.

"She gets that a lot," Rory lied effortlessly. Since when had she become such a good liar? _Probably somewhere between vegetables taste good and you better be a good girl for Santa,_ Rory thought. She briefly wondered how many times her mom had lied to her when she was growing up.

"What's her name?" Jess asked.

"Victoria."

"Not Lorelai?" Jess asked, smirking. Rory hated that smirk. It reminded her of everything that used to be.

"I figured there were enough Lorelais running around," Rory said. Not that she hadn't thought of it, of course. "Victoria is Mom's middle name."

"I remember," Jess said and put the book he had been holding in his back pocket. Was that a hint of regret in his voice? Rory doubted it. If he felt guilty he would've at least called once in the last five years.

Rory crossed her arms across her chest and watched as Jess's eyes instantly flicked to her left hand.

"Not married?" he asked, and Rory self consciously tucked her left hand under her right arm. She shook her head.

"Surprised?" she asked.

Jess shrugged.

"Just figured you'd be married before you had a kid," he replied.

"So did I," Rory muttered. He couldn't seriously think this was all part of some plan. Of course she wanted to be married before she had a child. Lorelai had done a great job of raising her, and she wouldn't change her childhood for the world, but that didn't mean she wanted her own child to be raised by a single mother.

"Where's the father?" Jess asked, though Rory knew that wasn't the true question he wanted the answer to.

"Not around," Rory said. That part was usually true, at least.

"Is it Dean?" Jess asked as his eyes narrowed. Rory wanted to slap him.

"What?" she asked incredulously. "Are you seriously asking me that?"

"You two seemed pretty close when I left," he said coldly.

"That was five years ago!" she exclaimed. "Besides, he's married."

Jess scoffed, but didn't say anything.

"I have to go," Rory told him, seething. "My daughter is waiting on me."

Jess took a step to the left.

"Be my guest," he said, motioning to the door. Why was he all of a sudden acting like a jerk? He had no reason to be angry.

"Go back to where you came from," Rory spat at him. "I don't know why you even came here in the first place."

"Yeah?" Jess asked yelling, causing everyone in the diner to turn and look at them. "Well, neither do I!"

"It was obviously a mistake," Rory said.

"Obviously."

"_So _nice to see you again," Rory said sarcastically as she stomped towards the door.

"Right back at you," Jess yelled at her as she slammed the door, walking out to her car. She felt like she was seventeen again, only this time she just made a scene in a diner, not a grocery store, and the subject matter was a lot more important than a stupid girl named Shane.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm home!" Lorelai called as she walked through the front door.

Rory was sitting beside Victoria on the couch, watching her daughter flip through channels. It amazed Rory how Victoria could read for hours, yet when it came to TV, she had the attention span of about five seconds.

"I brought pizza," Lorelai said as she walked into the living room. In her hands she held two boxes of what looked like Joe's extra large pizza. Rory didn't think she'd ever loved her mom more than she did in that moment. Not only had she changed their plan of going to Luke's for dinner, but she also brought Rory's favorite comfort food.

"You are a saint," Rory said.

Lorelai sat the pizzas down on the coffee table and gave Rory an indicative look when Victoria wasn't paying attention. Rory instantly recognized the look as _we need to talk out of underage earshot_ because she used it pretty often.

"I'm going to get something to drink," Rory announced. "Do you want chocolate milk?" she asked Victoria, who nodded as she continued to try and find something to watch.

"I'll help!" Lorelai said quickly, following Rory into the kitchen. Luckily for them, Victoria wasn't a very perceptive four year old, and it sounded like she had finally decided on a cartoon to watch. Rory guessed they had about 4 minutes before Victoria lost interest.

"What happened?" Lorelai asked when she entered the kitchen. Rory was standing with her back against the sink, arms crossed over her chest. "Did you see him?"

"Oh yeah, I saw him," Rory muttered.

Lorelai sighed. "You had a fight," she stated.

Rory squeezed her crossed arms closer to her body. "He thought Victoria was Dean's," she said and then scoffed. "She doesn't even look like him."

Lorelai bit her lip. "Well, honey," Lorelai said gently, "if you look at it from his point of view, it does make a little bit of sense."

"So you're taking his side now?" Rory asked. "I can't believe this!"

"I'm not taking sides!" Lorelai exclaimed.

"Well, why don't you hate him?" Rory demanded. "He knocked up your only daughter!"

"Where is this coming from?" Lorelai asked, but Rory didn't respond. She was too upset. "I don't like that you became pregnant at seventeen," Lorelai said, "but you did, and me hating him isn't going to change anything."

"It would make me feel better," Rory muttered, knowing she was acting childish.

"I hated him at first," Lorelai said. "Trust me, I was all, 'grab your torches and pitchforks'." She paused. "But then, Victoria came along, and . . . how can I hate him for that?"

Rory stared down at the floor and bit her lip. "He's going to find out about her," she whispered.

"Yeah," Lorelai agreed, "he is."

Rory looked up at her mom and tried to relax her stance. She really hated when they fought. "I hate him," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"No, you don't." Lorelai told her, and Rory knew it was true. She didn't hate him, but she wanted to more than anything. He'd left without telling her, and gave her something she hadn't asked for. She'd spent the past four—almost five—years seeing glimpses of Jess in her daughter every day. Fate hadn't allowed her to forget him, not even for a moment.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Victoria called, running into the kitchen. "When is it going to snow?"she asked. Victoria had a habit of asking random questions.

"Sweetie," Rory said, "it's October. It won't start snowing for a little while."

Victoria pouted. "But when?" she asked.

Rory sighed. "Maybe December," she offered weakly. She wasn't a meteorologist. Why was it that children expected their parents to know everything?

"Don't you like the snow?" Victoria asked. Rory felt her mom's eyes instantly flicker in her direction as if they had been magnetized to her face.

"I used to," Rory said. "A long time ago."

"What happened?" Victoria asked.

"_It's snowing," Rory said giddily as she looked out the living room window. Jess was sitting on the couch watching Almost Famous for the umpteenth time. She had lost count a long time ago._

"_Huh," Jess said, clearly not interested in what she found utterly fascinating. It wasn't that she liked the cold, she just loved the way everything looked covered completely in white._

_Rory opened the window slightly so that the smell of snow would enter the house. She knew her mom would thank her when she returned home from her date with Jason._

"_You know," Rory said, walking over to sit on the couch beside Jess, "Mom always says good things happen when it snows."_

"_This coming from the woman who thinks Sylvia Path isn't crazy," Jess said, putting his arm around her shoulders. "I think I'm good without the snow, thanks."_

"_Why don't you like snow?" Rory asked as she leaned into him.  
_

_Jess shrugged._

"_Okay Mr. Monosyllable," she said. "I officially am over my snow high." She crossed her arms, pretending to be upset._

_Jess smirked._

_Rory's phone vibrated in her pocket and she took it out, checking the caller I.D. It was her mom._

"_Hello?" Rory answered, standing up. She couldn't ever bring herself to talk on the phone to her mom when she was touching Jess - even if they weren't doing anything._

"_I don't think I'm going to be able to make it back home," Lorelai said. "The roads are terrible."_

"_Oh, okay."_

"_I'm staying at Jason's. Will you be alright?" Lorelai asked, concerned. She hated leaving Rory alone overnight._

"_I'll be fine, Mom." Rory told her. As soon as she got the sentence out, the lights began flickering. _

"_I love you," Lorelai said._

"_Love you too."_

_The lights in the house went off and Rory heard a click as the TV screen went black._

"_Oh, and Rory?" Lorelai asked. "Something big is going to happen tonight. I can feel it."_

_The phone beeped to tell her the call had ended and Rory flipped the phone closed. As soon as she looked up, she discovered she could no longer see. Everything was pitch black._

"_Jess?" Rory whispered._

"_I haven't moved," was his reply._

_Rory cautiously began taking steps forward, feeling in front of her as she went. Her palm hit the corner of the end table and she maneuvered around it until she felt the couch. She sat down on it wondering exactly how far away from Jess she was._

"_My mom is stuck at Jason's," she told him. "She won't be back until tomorrow."_

"_Huh," Jess said. "What shall we do with ourselves?"_

_She knew he was smirking, even though she could just make out his outline._

_She felt his hand brush against her cheek and then his lips were on hers. _

_Rory felt his left arm encircle her waist and before she knew it she was lying horizontally on the couch. She lifted up the back of his shirt slightly and traced circles on the small of his back with her fingertips. Instantly, he pressed closer to her. He broke contact with her lips and instead kissed down her neck. Rory closed her eyes reveling in the feeling._

_She was in love with him._

_She had known it for a while, but it had never truly hit her until now. She lightly pushed his chest, and he pushed himself up on his elbows, confused. Rory smiled and gave him a quick kiss._

_"Let's go to my room," she said._

"_You sure?" Jess asked. Rory leaned up and kissed him, nodding. She felt him smile against her lips, and then he broke contact and stood up. "Lead the way, milady."_

_She smiled and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards her room. By now her eyes had adjusted to the darkness and she could at least make out the doorway to her room. Once she entered the room, she let go of his hand and pulled her shirt over her head, discarding it on the floor._

_"Jesus, Rory," Jess said, his voice lower than usual. He removed his own shirt and then pulled her to him, crashing his lips to hers. Without breaking contact he walked her over to the bed and pulled both of them onto the mattress, him on top of her. He began kissing down her neck, across her collarbone, and when he got to the top of her bra, Rory gasped._

_Jess stopped what he was doing and looked up. "We don't have to do this," he told her. "It's okay."_

_Rory shook her head. "No, no. I want to," she said. She placed her hand on his cheek. "Make love to me, Jess."_

"What happened?" Victoria asked again. She definitely wasn't letting this one go.

"Nothing," Rory lied. "Sometimes people just stop liking things."

"Like when I stopped liking peas?" Victoria asked.

Rory nodded and smiled slightly. "Like that," she said and Victoria smiled, satisfied with her answer.


End file.
